Have you ever asked the question, “God, where are you?”Well, truth be told, I have uttered this cry many times in my life, most especially when I see extreme suffering or I am missing someone I love, or someone I love is struggling with health or life in various ways. I struggled to see or feel God when I was holding a child abandoned in the dump or learned of the racist violence bestowed on others in the name of some misguided belief.
This past year, we’ve been overwhelmed with death and loss due to Covid, division, disasters and disease. Our airways, internet, news programs, talk shows, conversations with friends and colleagues, have all borne witness to these realities over and over again. Most likely, we all know someone we loved and lost during this pandemic year of 2020.
The month of March is particularly painful for me, even though it is the month of my birthday. Fourteen years ago, Steph’s nephew, Shawn, died on my birthday. Last year, 2020, a year many of us would like to forget, was particularly difficult, In March 2020, Steph’s life changed forever due to extreme health issues. My dear friend and mentor, Sr. Pauline died, and my Mom also died unattended, all within 15 days of each other in March.
And in March 2020, most of us went into lockdown, quarantines, and forced isolation from those we love. While all this was and is difficult for us, I can only imagine how difficult it is for our brothers and sisters in poor and marginalized countries like Nicaragua, Venezuela and in Africa where hope for a vaccine is dependent on the rest of the world, since the prosperous countries will have access long before those who are the poorest in our world. So, yes, believe me when I say I’ve asked the question, “Where are you God”….even though I know and believe God is with us.
Yet, you might ask why I am writing about this today? Some might say “coincidence”. I say I think God has been sending me many signs lately that I need to get back to my writing and reflections.
Yesterday, a dear lifelong friend walked into my office and handed me this ornament. (image below)
Then, this morning, my 4 year old grandnephew had this conversation with me:
Eli: “Aunt Debbie, the clouds are crying today”. (It’s raining)
Me: “Eli, why are the clouds crying?”
Eli: “Because they’re sad”.
Me: “Why are the clouds sad?”
Eli: “Because it’s raining. But the clouds will smile again.”
Then, in the wee hours of this morning, as I was opening up my email, this song showed up on my IPad. The song is entitled, “I feel you everywhere” by Jan Phillips.
I took a few minutes to view the video and I want to share it with you. The song, of course, is about how God or our Divine Creator, is everywhere and that if we are aware, we will feel that presence. It is a video packed with wonderful images and photos.
As I listened to the song, I must say that I also experienced the blessing of trusting that my Mom, Pauline and all my deceased loved ones, are no longer bound by the restrictions of the human condition here on earth.
Everywhere? Yes, when a cardinal appears. Everywhere? Yes, when a rainbow shines. Everywhere? Yes, when I look at a picture. Everywhere? When a song pops up on my IPad. Everywhere? Yes, in my memory and my heart pocket as well. Everywhere? Yes! Everywhere!
I pray it may be so for you as well. I invite you to take 6 minutes and watch this video….and then let the words of this song echo in your mind, heart and memory, “There is nowhere I can go and not find you!”